The Reason Seto Doesn't Get Any!
by Sweet Selene
Summary: See what happens when Mokuba leaves Seto for one whole night so he could have a date over. Find out how the night will turn out. Will this be a night to remember or forget?WARNING VERY IMMATURE. And now new chapters, find out who Setos new friend is!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own YU-GI-OH, or any of its characters so don't sue me.  
  
This story is dedicated to Brian, my ex-boyfriend who loved to touch his butt a lot and to my friends who love YU-GI-OH as much as I do. PLEASE REVIEW! **************************************************************** *******  
  
Seto looked around his room making sure he was alone for the last time. He pulled out a magazine labeled "x" from his brief case and sat on his bed. Pulling down his pants with one hand, he flipped through the pages of the magazine with the other.  
  
' Oh yes she is beautiful' he thought with a groan as he slipped his hands down his boxers. " Hell yea that's it. Yes baby," he moaned softly.  
  
" Seto, big brother are you in there," a cheery voice came from behind the locked bedroom door.  
  
" What now Mokuba, I am busy now. Can't it wait," wined Seto as he hid the magazine under his pillow and pulled up his pants again.  
  
"Can I go to Mikes on Saturday for a sleep over? His mom needs the answer now so she can get the right number of sleeping bags. Please Seto can I go," plead the younger Kiaba.  
  
'Hhmm with Mokube gone for the weekend I could get a date. It's been months since I got some. I need a woman and I need one fast,' he thought as he flung the door open.  
  
" Yes Mokuba you can go," he walked past his younger brother and went down stairs.  
  
" Thank you thank you so much Seto. You're the best big brother," Mokuba shouted after him.  
  
Seto picked up his jacket and walked out the house to his black sports car or as he called it his black beauty.  
  
' I only have one day to pick up a girl. Where would a sexy girl be on a Friday night? Lets see, there is that new club downtown called chick magnet. Perfect for a chick magnet like me," Seto thought as he pulled out his drive way.  
  
Black beauty pulled into the parking lot, after making sure she was all secured he walked towards the noisy club. As soon as he entered there were girls on all over him. He checked each one out but wasn't satisfied. After several hours of looking and getting disappointed he finally gave up. He was about to go out the door when someone called out his name.  
  
" Hello Kiaba," came a sexy voice from behind.  
  
Seto quickly spun around to find a tall and slim girl dressed in tight lather pants and a red tube top with the words she- devil on it. She had straight brown hair down to her shoulders, pink glossy lips and beautiful deep blue eyes.  
  
" Oh hi Tea. I didn't even know you were here. So how are you?" said Seto in his fake friendly voice as he checked out every part of her body.  
  
' Oh kami she is gorgeous,' he thought.  
  
" I'm good. I just came in. I love dancing at this place. What are you doing here?" Tea sat down at the bar and Seto quickly sat next to her.  
  
" Well I love dancing here too. Would you like to dance?" he stood up and offered her a hand.  
  
" Yea sure," Tea said with delight.  
  
They danced to a couple of songs and than returned to the bar where they talked for many hours.  
  
" Hahahaha you're so funny Seto. Oh man look at the time. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow so I better be going," Tea jumped off the stole and put on her jacket.  
  
" Uumm hey Tea if your not doing anything tomorrow night I would love it if you would come over. We could have dinner and hang out," he arrogantly suggested the idea while walking her to her car.  
  
" Sure I would love to. Anyway thank you for dancing with me. Good night Seto," Tea gave him a light kiss on the check and got into her car.  
  
' Yessssss I got a date. Hell yea I still got it, I am still the number one chick magnet,' Seto thought as he literally skipped to his car.  
  
**************************************************************** ******** So what did you think, WEIRD! STUPID! FUNNY! LET ME KNOW.  
  
Seto: come on people review she is literally begging you. SHE HAS GONE NUTS!  
  
Weird Onna: NO I HAVEN'T.  
  
Seto: yea u keep telling yourself that.  
  
Weird Onna: Don't Listen To Him Just Review.  
  
Mokuba: Seto I found this magazine under your pillow.  
  
Seto: ummmmm. that's not mine  
  
Mokuba: but it has you name printed on the cover.  
  
Seto: give me that your mistreating her.  
  
Mokuba: but big brother it's just a magazine.  
  
Weird Onna: come on Mokuba, I think Seto needs to be alone right now. Crazy loser! Get some help will ya.  
  
Seto: SCREW YOU ONNA!  
  
YU-GI-OH: oh god that's sick man. You're in love with a dirty magazine.  
  
Seto: don't call her dirty.  
  
(A sweat drop forms on YU-GI-OH's forehead)  
  
Weird Onna: ok I think we should leave now. I am tired and disturbed. Till next time guys.  
  
YU-GI-OH: bye Weird Onna see you soon till the next chapter. Hey where is Seto?  
  
(Weird sounds can be heard in the closet)  
  
Weird Onnna: Oh God lets get out of here. 


	2. THE DATE FROM HELL

This is a message was send from Pegasus:  
I see that Weird Onna wrote another chapter of this crazy story. Well I don't like this at all; Seto is a good guy and shouldn't be made fun of like this if I were you I wouldn't read this. And as for you Weird Onna I am going to sue your ass for making fun of Seto.  
  
Reply from Weird Onna: Oh wow I am so sorry Pegasus, if you want I am going to delete this story. I never knew you and Seto were friends and that you cared for him so much. I never wanted to piss you off; so as soon as I can I am removing this story.  
  
This massage was send from Seto:  
Weird Onna don't listen to him. We are not friends he is just mad that I don't want to sleep with him. Just update your story, I won't mind and as for you Pegasus stay away from me and stop writing me love letters you creep.  
  
Hope you enjoy the next chapter. And thank you for reviewing my story you guys I really appreciate it!( *******************************************************************  
  
THE NEXT DAY  
  
Seto ran around the huge mansion checking if everything was ready for his date.  
  
' Dinner, check; flowers, check; candles, check; fireplace on, check; my room cleaned and ready for action, check. Perfect, only two more hours till she gets here. Ok I need a shower,' Seto thought as he entered the bathroom and removed his clothing.  
  
After the long shower Seto went into his room finding a pair of nice clean dress pants and a pink sweater ready for him on his bed.  
  
" Luke why is there a pink sweater on my bed," Seto yelled as he held up the pink piece of clothing.  
  
Luke the butler ran up to Setos room.  
  
" I am sorry sir but all your clothing was accidentally colored in the washing machine the only thing not pink is your underpants and your pants but all the shirts are pink," said Luke as he opened Setos closet and revealing rows of pink shirts hung in it.  
  
"Kami all my shirts are freakn pink. How the hell did this happen?" Seto asked as he searched through the shirts hoping to find one in a dark color.  
  
" Somehow one of your brothers pink socks got into your pile of dirty shirts and because you only own white shirts the pink color of the sock colored them all," explained Luke.  
  
" That's just great. I look like a freakn fag; my date is going to laugh at me. Do I have time to run to the store and buy myself another shirt?" asked Seto.  
  
At that moment the doorbell rang.  
  
" Oh shit its Tea. I guess she'll have to see me in this one. Tomorrow Luke you will go and buy me new clothing. Now I have to go to my date," Seto said, as he was about to leave.  
  
" Yes sir I will go tomorrow. One more thing Mr. Kiaba, don't forget to put your medicine on."  
  
" What madicine?"  
  
" The medicine for that rash on your butt, sir. Doctor Smith told me to tell you that you have to put it on everyday so the rash won't spread. I placed the bottle on your nightstand, sir," Luke said, pointing to the brown bottle.  
  
" Great I was so excited about this date I forgot about it. Go and tell miss Tea, that I will be down in a few minuets so I can put this damn cream on," Seto turned and walked to the bathroom with the brown bottle in his hand.  
  
' Damn I also forgot this stuff smells like dog shit but I can't survive without this my rash is so damn itchy. No I am not putting this shit on, I'll just have to go without it," putting down the bottle he walked out the bathroom.  
  
Seto came downstairs and saw Tea waiting in the living room. She stood up revealing the sexy tight red dress she was wearing. She had glossy red lips and wavy hair. He just stood there stunt at the way she look.  
  
" Hi Tea, you look gorgeous. I am so happy you could make it," Seto managed said with a sexy smile.  
  
" Hello Seto it's nice to see you again. Thank you for inviting me, by the way nice sweater," Tea let out a small giggle.  
  
" Oh yea, there was a washing machine accident and all my clothing are now this color. I hope you won't mind," Seto nervously asked.  
  
" Oh no I love pink, its my favorite color. It looks good on you too," Tea spoke while fighting back laughter.  
  
" Good, now lets eat," he said while leading Tea into the dinning room.  
  
1 hour later  
  
" Wow I think I know everything about you and your inventions now," Tea exclaimed as she took another sip of her wine.  
  
" Yea well I do live an interesting life, oh man," he wiggled in his seat uncomfortably.  
  
" Are you ok Seto?" Tea asked in concern.  
  
' Oh man my butt is so itchy. I think I am going to die, I need my medicine,' Seto thought.  
  
" Hello Seto can you hear me," Tea said while waving her hands in front of his eyes.  
  
" Huh yea, hey can you excuse me I need to use the bathroom. You can go into the living room I'll join you in a sec.," he got up and rushed to the bathroom.  
  
5 minuets later  
  
" Are you enjoying the fire," Seto asked as he entered the living room in a sexy way with his hands in his pockets. The room was dark and only the fire from the fireplace revealed Tea on the couch sipping on her wine.  
  
" Yea its so warm and romantic here. I love fireplaces don't you?" Tea asked not even looking up at Seto.  
  
" Yea I love sitting here on cold nights and just staring at the fire burning with passion," he took a seat next to her on the couch.  
  
" Ummmm Seto can I ask you something?" Tea asked, as she looked deep into Setos eyes.  
  
" Yes," Seto replied thinking it was the right moment for a kiss and leaning forward.  
  
" What the hell is that smell?" asked Tea as she jerked away from Setos incoming lips.  
  
" Huh, what smell," he asked bewildered.  
  
" It smells like a dog shitted in here, I am sorry Seto but I think I should go," Tea said as she stood up.  
  
" I don't smell anything. Why are you going?" he jumped from the couch and fallowed Tea to the front door like a begging dog.  
  
" The whole night you were scratching your ass and I tried to ignore it and make conversation but you were just ignoring me. I don't think you even paid any attention to me the whole night because you were too busy scratching yourself and talking about your damn work like I care about your stupid games. I am sorry but I can't stand it any longer. You were a different guy last night but tonight your just gross. Not only do you scratch yourself but now you stink too. I am out of here," Tea shouted as she walked out and slammed the door behind her.  
  
The door opened again and Teas head popped in, "one more thing. I would get some new shirts if I were you. You look like a fag and a badly dressed one too, good night Seto," with that she left.  
  
' What just happened. I thought she didn't realize I was scratching myself. This was a date from hell. Oh well at least I still have my magazine, it doesn't care what I do or if I smell' Seto thought as he slowly walked upstairs to his room.  
  
The end  
  
********************************************************* Seto: you lied to me; you said I was going to get the girl.  
  
Weird Onna: tough luck loser. Well you guys that's it for " the reason why Seto doesn't get any" what did you think? Please review!  
  
YU-GI-OH: I really like the ending. I didn't see anything wrong with it. Hahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!  
  
Mokuba: oh big brother don't cry its ok, I still love you.  
  
Seto: my life is over. 


	3. seto's big surprice

DISCLAIMER: sadly I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh ;.;  
  
UPDATE! UPDATE! ACTUALLY A REALLY BAD UPDATE BUT I WAS SO BORED I HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING ;.;  
  
Setos Big Surprise  
  
Seto got into Black Beauty. He couldn't wait to get out of that big lonely mansion.  
  
' I can't take being alone anymore. First Tea dumped me than it was that cute little Chinese girl from the deli now I am alone again. Its this stupid ass rash that prevents me from getting laid, yea it's the rash, there is nothing wrong with me because I am the hottest guy in Tokyo (aka Domino City). Now what can I do to get laid?' thought Seto.  
  
He looked around to see what street he was in but what he spotted was better than a street sign. A tall woman with long straight platinum hair and a short red dress stood at the street corner looking his direction.  
  
' A prostitute is the best way to get laid. I am very rich, I could pay her so much money to do anything I want her to and she wouldn't care about the rash because she is getting paid for it. Seto, you're a genius. Hell yea I'm getting laid tonight,' thought Seto as he pulled up in front of the woman.  
  
" Hey beautiful wana have some fun," said Seto in a deep sexy voice.  
  
The girl didn't answer though, but just got into the car. Not bothering to ask her question of why she isn't saying anything he just drove off towards the direction of his mansion. On every traffic light Seto tried to get a good look at the womans face but it was to dark; her lower body was visible and Seto liked what he saw.  
  
' It doesn't matter how her face looks cause her body is to kill for. I can't wait till I get home,' thought Seto with joy.  
  
It seemed like 2 hours till they got to the mansion but it was only 20 minutes. Seto actually loved the silence between them; he never liked girls who talked a lot. She got out of the car and stared down at the floor letting her hair hid her face. Seto didn't notice he quickly ran to the front door. Inside he didn't let the girl look around the beautiful rich looking mansion, he grabbed her by the arm and led her up stairs to his room.  
  
The room was dark and Seto wanted to keep it that way so she wouldn't see his butt rash. He started to remove his shirt but realized that the girl wasn't moving from the shadowed corner of the room. She just stared at him and this creeped him out a lot.  
  
" I guess you would like to get paid first. So how much are you 100$ or 300$. I need a price," Seto said as he slowly took out his wallet. To his surprise the girl took one step out of the shadows but still making it unable to see her face and placed a piece of paper on the night stand.  
  
" Ok what's this?" Seto said as he moved towards the paper and picked it up. He walked to the window where there was a beam of moonlight shinning through. He looked at the paper and realized it was a price list. My name is Cecilia. Sex for: 1 hour = 100$ 2 hours= 200$ With extras like blow job or kissing will be an extra 150$. Enjoy!  
  
" What are you mute?" asked Seto as he set the paper down again and pulled a couple of bills from his wallet, " its ok you don't have to answer, I like girls that don't talk a lot anyway. Now lets get going."  
  
He moved towards her, handed her the money and waited for her responds.  
  
Thank god I am finished with this chapter. So what did you think bad, really bad, or really really bad? Please review so I know how bad you think this story is.  
  
I never been with a prostitute and thank god I am not one either so I really don't know how much they charge. If you know well good for you just keep it to you self, cause I don't wana know.  
  
Seto: I don't like this story.  
  
Weird Onna: Be a big boy and deal with it.  
  
Seto: I don't want to. I am going to write a flame for the story.  
  
Weird Onna: I am ok with that. 


	4. at least i got laid

Here goes the next disturbing chapter. AND REMEMBER TO REVIEW OR I'LL SEND MY DEMEONS AFTER YOU! Ok that was kinda creepy. Oh well.  
  
At Least I Got Laid  
  
The girl stayed in the shadows and undid her dress, when it was off she threw it to Seto. He caught it and took in her scent. She smelled weird and familiar. How could this be he never slept with a prostitute before, why does she smell so familiar? His thoughts were interrupted when her panties hit his face and than her bra. This was getting really interesting and fun. Seto quickly scrambled to remove his pants and boxers. When they were both free from their cloths, it was time for some action.  
  
"Close your eyes," whispered Cecilia in a weird and deep voice.  
  
" So you can talk, ok what ever you say," Seto said and closed his eyes with a smile spreading from ear to ear.  
  
'What a weird voice for a woman. It's kinda deep. Oh well, its not like we're talking for pleasure,' thought Seto.  
  
Small kisses trailed from his lips down between his legs. Kisses turned to licking than to sucking, which made Seto go crazy with lust. It had been to long since Seto experienced this kind of pleasure. In no time he released himself happily but happiness turned into fear as her hands started to move towards his butt.  
  
'Oh no the rash I must keep her away from it,' thought Seto as he quickly took her hands in his and pulled her up to face him. He opened his eyes to get a good look at his beautiful lover but instead of beauty he found horror.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE HELL!" screamed Seto as he backed up against the door and looked at the hideous creature sitting on his bed.  
  
"Hello Seto Kieba, long time no see. Muhahahahahahaha," Cecilia laughed out loud.  
  
"P.P.PEGASUS?" Seto managed to say.  
  
The man on his bed was indeed Pegasus. His hair had grown and instead of the millennium eye there was a eye patch, he wore red lipstick and blue eyeshade and was skinnier than he already was. He changed a lot since that duel between him and Seto. He looked tired and weak.  
  
" I am not Pegasus I am Cecilia, Pegasus died hee-hee," Pegasus giggled sweetly like a girl.  
  
" Dear god what happened to you man. Pegasus your not Cecilia," Seto angrily exclaimed. " Shut up I am Cecilia. Pegasus died after you and that bad boy Yugi destroyed his life. That white haired freak, Bacura, almost killed him and because he lost to Yugi he lost his business and went into a depression. After he lost all his money he killed himself and now being the poor little wife, I swore revenge," Pegasus said in his fake woman voice.  
  
" WHAT FUCKING REVENGE YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING BLOW JOB YOU SICK FREAK," shouted Seto.  
  
" Well after I stalked you for one year I fell in love with you, Seto you're the most sexiest man alive," said Pegasus.  
  
"Well I know that. So you planed all this to get in bed with me?" asked a frustrated Seto.  
  
" No, to my luck after coming back from my job at the club, I was waiting to cross the street, there you were coming towards me and hell I didn't want to stop you. Now I am so convinced you're the greatest guy for me besides I want to marry you, I know Pegasus won't mind I found someone else," Pegasus moved slowly towards the scared Seto.  
  
" HELL NO, YOU ARE PEGASUS YOU CREEP STOP TALKING IN THIRED PERSON AND YOU'RE NOT RUINING MY LIFE AGAIN. FIRST YOU TRAPED MY DAMN SOUL IN A CARD, TOOK MY BROTHER AWAY FROM ME, AND THAN YOU LOCKED ME UP IN A DUNGEON WHICH WAS SO DIRTY IT GAVE ME A ITCHY BUTT RASH FOR LIFE. I WON'T LET YOU DO THIS TO ME AGAIN, WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING STAY BACK STAY BACK NOOOOOOOOOO." Seto screamed out in horror.  
  
" From now on Seto you will love me and you will want to get married to me," Pegasus began to chant as the eye patch fell off and the millennium eye was raveled (muhahahahaha.cough cough).  
  
" But I thought someone stole that," said Seto weakly as he started to lose concisions.  
  
" Well yes it was till I went out and found the white haired bitch who stole it and "punished" him, muhahahahaha, now look into my eye Seto, you will love me forever," Pegasus continued to chant.  
  
" Noooo." Seto managed to say before he dropped to the floor.  
  
TWO MONTHS LATER " Seto sweetie dinner is ready," Cecilia shouted from the kitchen.  
  
" Coming my love, let me just put on my butt rash cream," Seto shouted back.  
  
Seto walked into the kitchen finding Pegasus setting the table and his brother Mokuba sitting in one chair looking at Pegasus in disgust.  
  
" Oh my love dinner looks great, I love you," said Seto as he gave Pegasus a kiss on the cheek and sat down.  
  
" I know you do Seto and you will always love me muhahahahahaha," Pegasus responded.  
  
" Ummm Seto I'm scared," exclaimed Mokuba O.o.  
  
The end  
  
IF YOU DON'T REVIEW THAN THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO. MUHAHAHAHAHA  
  
This teaches you something kids, prostitutes are evil and want to marry you and oh yea they give you butt rashes!  
  
Seto: at least I got married in this story.  
  
Mokuba: why isn't anyone listen to me, I said I'm really freaked out.. HELLO HELLO! SON OF A B.... AAHHHHHHHHHH! 


End file.
